The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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