Plan B is the new Plan A
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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