I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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