just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
