dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
