He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
