He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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