Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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