I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
