I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
