There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
