Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he was CRYING into my vagina
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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