the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
