i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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