I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
