Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
