just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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