how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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