how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
