just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
