before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
