U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
