Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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