My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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