Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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