Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
