He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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