Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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