is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
