I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
