There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
