I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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