I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
