I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
