Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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