My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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