My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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