I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
