is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
