I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
