Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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