Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
