so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
