How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
