Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
