I hate your face
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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