Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
