We need to rekindle our bromance
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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