Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Even my vagina gasped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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