That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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