I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
