the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
