I CAN MOONWALK!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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