so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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