im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize