life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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