He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
