It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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