I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
