I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
