he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
