After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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