I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
