i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
