he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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